(EDUC 6165 Communication) Nonviolent Communication

Conflict is a natural process that we go through whether it is in our personal or professional lives. Everyone reacts differently to it, as some people may display explosive reactions to conflict while others might avoid it. Conflict should be seen as a win-win situation in which everyone agrees to work it out with a willingness to listen, generate ideas, discuss solutions, and communicate. Having strategies and techniques put in place to help resolve conflict in a peaceful manner may help to think about conflict in a positive light.

With that said, I have been in conflicts where willingness to listen, generate ideas, and discuss solutions have been nonexistent…. here is one example. As I have shared before, my son has a learning disability and we have many IPRC meetings at his school where we discuss his strengths, challenges, successes, and goals. At the end of the school year I was at the school in a meeting with my son’s teachers, therapists, and school psychologist. We were discussing my son and the topic came up about how anxious he has been feeling amongst many other things on the agenda. I am usually very professional in these meetings and I keep quite a calm and try to keep my emotions in tact…although I do tend to need a Kleenex or two at these meetings as it is hard to discuss my son’s challenges. On this particular day I must have been feeling extra emotional and I couldn’t keep my emotions undercover and I began to cry a little more than I normally do. This psychologist who I had never met before said something very condescending to me about me being teary which resulted in me reacting in a way that I should not have. My emotions got the best of me and I became very reactive. Everyone else at the table who knows me quite well just sat there in silence as I said the, “How dare you” to this psychologist. It got quite uncomfortable, but I felt judged and I couldn’t control my emotions. When the meeting was over and after the psychologist left, the teachers came up to me and said that they couldn’t believe what she had said to me. I expressed that I was upset at how I handled the situation and that I should have remained professional, but my emotions got the best of me

This week we had the opportunity to learn about nonviolent communication from The Center for Nonviolent Communicationas well as the 3 R’s; respectful, reciprocal, and responsive from Magda Gerber. Strategies that I could have used based on the NVC and the 3R’s that would have made this conflict between myself and the psychologist more productive would be;

1. Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment (NVC, n.d.).

2. Requesting what I would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what I do want rather than what I don’t want (NVC, n.d.). 

3. Keep calm when we respond to conflict, so we do not let our emotions take over. 

Even though what this person said made me feel upset, I should have remained calm. She was not respecting my feelings, but staying calm would have been more effective so I could have communicated my feelings more effectively.

Conflict is part of life and it can occur at any time of the day, but it is how we think of conflict that can cause it to be negative or positive. We need to learn how to communicate effectively, so having strategies that will give us the skills to have nonviolent communication is the step towards being able to solve conflict in a calm and passive manner.

Reference

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org./

(EDUC-6165 Communication) Evaluation of Our Communication Skills

We all want to think that we are effective communicators, but I don’t think we can really tell if we communicate effectively until we have the opportunity to test our skills as well as having others evaluate our skills. Well, this week I got this opportunity! It was very interesting to see the differences and similarities between how I evaluated myself and the way by husband and colleague/friend evaluated me. I participated in three different tests; Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, and Listening Styles Profile. And the results.......

When I compared our results of the Communication Anxiety Inventory it was very interesting to see that we all scored within one to two marks of one another. My score was a 31, my husband gave me a 33 and my colleague/friend gave me a 30. I am extremely comfortable public speaking and the two people who evaluated me know this. I teach with one person who sees my comfort in the classroom and my husband knows my passion for teaching. I have been teaching in a college setting for almost 10 years now and I love getting in front of the classroom. It is where I am very comfortable. Now if I would have rated myself 15 years ago, my results would not have been so high. I have had to work hard to get where I am, where I can say that I truly enjoy public speaking. I have a son with a learning disability and I attend many meetings where I have to speak up and advocate for son and not let myself get intimidated by the people in the meeting.

The Verbal Aggressiveness Scale test was a different story. There were strong similarities between how I rated myself and my colleague/friend. We both had a rating of 62 which was moderate. As a teacher of adults I have to very respectful of the viewpoints of others and make everyone feel that what they have contributed in class is valid and important. My husband rated me a little higher at 68.....I am not being defensive, but we have been together for 22 years and married 14 years out of those 22 years….so that is probably why he scored me a bit higher!

The Listening Styles Profile test brought forth similar results once again. Based on the test all three us of had the same results which put me in level 1. Both of these individuals who evaluated me know that I am extremely empathetic and very concerned with the emotions of others.

What I found interesting about this process was the length of time it took us to complete the questions. It took me a lot longer as I was very reflective and I wanted to answer the questions honestly and not what I thought was the “best” answer. It did not take my husband or colleague/friend long to complete as they answered the questions with how they saw me. Having a better understanding of how I evaluated myself as well as two other people, gave me an idea of how I could communicate more effectively as well as how I show effective communication. I guess I need to be nicer to my husband!!!! J

References

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Copyright 2009 Taylor & Francis Group LLC Books. Used with permission from Routledge via the Copyright Clearance Center.

 Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

(EDUC-6164 Diversity) Practicing Awareness of Microaggressions

Microaggressions, what are they? Many people like me may not have heard of the term microaggressions, but may be more familiar with what lurks behind the word. Microaggressions refers to, “The times when verbal behaviors create feelings of uncertainty, inferiority or marginalization even though no offense was consciously intended” (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011). Now that you have a meaning behind the word, you might remember a time where you might have observed a microaggression or realized that you have been impacted by one. My growing knowledge of microaggressions made me realize, that I too have been directly impacted by these verbal behaviors. My understanding of what microaggressions are enabled me to remember a time just recently when I witnessed one occurring.

The college that I teach at is very diverse. We have many International students who come to our program to study early childhood education. A big population of our International students come from different countries in Asia such as; China, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam. During the first few weeks of classes, many of our International students sit together as they share the commonality of coming from another country to study. A few weeks ago just before class was about to begin, a student was talking to this group of students and said, “How are you liking being in Canada? Are you missing your family?” The student responded, “Yes.” Then she said, “Well at least you all speak Chinese, so you can communicate with each other. That must make you feel better.” The student responded, “We all don’t speak Chinese. I am the only one from China, so I am the only one who speaks Chinese.” She then explained that the other students were from other parts of Asia. The student said, “I just thought that you all spoke the same language.” This incident shows how that even though no malice or insult was intended, you could see by the other students’ nonverbal communication that they felt uncomfortable by the hidden message that was, “Every Asian student must be from China and speak Chinese.” From what I know about this student, I know that she would never intentionally or deliberately harm the other students, but the hidden message made these students feel uncomfortable. Listening to this also made me feel uncomfortable as I could sense how this hidden message made these students feel. You could sense their frustration as maybe this was not their first time being impacted by this type of microaggression.

This experience that I shared goes to show that even though people are well intended that stereotypes still do exist. This student may not have even realized that she was basing her information on a stereotype, but reality it was. This student could have also been clouded by her lack of knowledge about Asia and the stereotypes she has learned. She made an assumption about a group of people that could have been based on a generalization based on an assumption regarding a race. We have to be so cognizant of the assumptions that we make that may stem from stereotypes….what we come to realize is that these generalizations are usually incorrect.

Reference

Laureate Education, In., 2011. Microaggressons in everyday life. Retrieved from https://class.walden edu

(EDUC-6165 Communication) Communication in a Diverse Environment

When I reflect about the cultural diversity that I am surrounded with on a daily basis whether with individual people or groups of people, I must say that I am aware of the ways that I modify the way I communicate. The college that I teach at is quite diverse. This diversity that I see in my classrooms range from gender, culture, ethnicity, language, abilities, personalities, interests, as well as many other components of diversity. I need to be aware of how I communicate with each student so I can meet their individual needs so they can be successful in learning. If I am in a meeting with colleagues I ensure that I am using respectful and professional language. The way I communicate with my two children is quite different at times as well. My son has a learning disability and at times I need to make modifications and accommodations to the way I communicate with him compared to his sister.

Based on what I learned this week regarding communicating with diverse groups, three strategies that I could put into practice that would help me to communicate more effectively with my students, colleagues, and my children would be;

1.   When explaining a concept or idea it is important to provide additional information so you are not leaving any gaps in anyone’s learning (Beebe, Beebe & Redmond, 2011).  If you are using examples to help explain a topic, idea, or concept it is important to adapt your examples so they are relevant to all (Beebe, Beebe & Redmond, 2011).  We can’t make assumptions that the way we explain a concept, idea, or topic will be relevant to everyone. Being aware of cultural myopia will help to ensure that you are NOT making an assumption that because you think a concept is easy doesn’t mean that it is easy to everyone else. It is important to understand that all individual come with an array skills and abilities and knowing that you may have to explain the material or concept over again or explain it in a different manner is crucial for everyone’s success (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2012).

2.   When communicating with any individual whether English is not their first language or not, you need to be aware of the use of slang or idioms as they may not understand the meaning behind the slang or idioms used.

3.    When communicating it is crucial to demonstrate excellent listening skills which ensures that we are interested and being respectful of everyone’s ideas and thoughts.

Each of the strategies that I identified can be used with the individuals and groups that I identified. They are not limited to one singular group or person as each strategy could be implemented with my son, students, and my colleagues. Having strategies help to ensure that we are communicating effectively with different groups of people. Not one person is the same, so adapting the way we communicate will ensure that everyone understands what is being communicated as well as allowing them to feel valued, respected, and empowered.

References 

Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M.V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon pp. 85-114    

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin;s

(EDUC-6164 Diversity) Perspectives on Diversity and Culture

                                                                                                          

                                       

What I having been learning about diversity and culture is that we all define what culture and diversity is differently. How I define culture may be different from another individual and that individual may define it differently from the next. I think it is due to our own experiences, knowledge, and understanding of what diversity and culture is. Even the way that I define or have defined culture has evolved and changed since I began this course, especially since I have had the opportunity over the past few weeks to take a deeper look at my own culture.

It was very interesting to have the opportunity to ask different people about how they define culture and diversity.

The first person I asked was my daughter’s physiotherapist. You might think that is strange, but my daughter is a competitive gymnast and we spend time making friends with physiotherapists. Two weeks ago she hurt her foot and we have spent the last two weeks in physio with Arthur. Yesterday at our appointment I asked if I could ask him a few questions about culture and diversity and he was all fired up to answer! Arthur is a 39 year male who is a first generation Canadian. Both his parents are from the Philippines. Here is Arthur’s definition of culture and diversity;

“Culture is the identity of oneself such as; religion, faith, and language. It can also be your visual appearance, food, customs, and the all different parts of a person. A person is born with culture and you get to grow into your culture. Diversity is what makes us different such as our gender, age, orientation. We might see different sets of people. Within culture there is diversity.” Arthur told my daughter and me that when he was in grade six he won the national writing contest and his name is on a big huge trophy that travels from school to school each year. He told us that his story was actually on diversity and that he ended his story with a poem that he still remembered and it goes like this…..”Is there really a difference, black, white, or brown when your feelings are hurt there is not a smile, but a frown. For you are you and I am I. You are prejudice please tell me why?”  Arthur was so interesting to talk to and we ended up talking about this for my daughter’s entire appointment….the stories he continued to share about growing up in a culture that was different form his friends was fascinating!!

The second person I asked is my neighbor/friend who is a 45 year female who is a first generation Canadian. Both her parents are from Italy who immigrated to Canada in the early 1960’s. Here is Sonia’s definition of culture and diversity;

“Culture and diversity is not so straightforward and there are many interpretations. Diversity and culture go hand in hand in with how people represent themselves in their practice and beliefs. If I define them separately, diversity is what makes people different and unique, things specific for the individual and their specific characteristics. We are all diverse, but we come together with our likeness. Diversity can be our race, ethnicity, religion. We can’t make assumptions about diversity. Diversity is not homogenous. A woman can be diverse from other women. One woman might be lesbian, have a physical disability, speak different languages, and be Jewish. Just because individuals are women doesn’t mean they are the same because of gender. Culture can be seen as the tangible things that represent part of a group and the symbols around a group such as their belief systems, customs, and rituals. I see how diversity and culture can be combined.”

The third person I asked is my colleague/friend who I teach with. Chris is a 60 year old Canadian woman who is a teacher. Here is Chris’ definition of culture and diversity;

“My definition of diversity and culture has changed over the years with my maturity and knowledge. I grew up in a small, working class, all white city. From what I remember there was no diversity and if there was, no one acknowledge it or talked about it. It wasn’t until I moved to Ottawa, Canada that I was first exposed to diversity and then I became aware of diverse people and diverse practices. With more knowledge, I began to understand and see different races, religion, life styles, and I began to understand that there was more to diversity than just gender. Culture is the family where you grow up in and the expectations and traditions of your family make culture. In my family, we had to be in for dinner and couldn’t leave the table until everyone finished dinner, we could never talk back to our parents, we had to go to church and say our prayers every night.”

When I reflect on how each one of these individuals defined diversity and culture, their perspectives have helped to add to the way I think about diversity and culture. Anytime we gain more information, it enables me to widen my lens and to understand how important it is to value everyone’s understanding and perspectives. We can’t make assumptions that we should all define things in the same manner. Just because I may view culture or diversity in one way does not mean that I think that we should all define it the same.  Even though their experiences with diversity and culture may have been different, there were similarities in their responses. When I think about how Janet Gonzalez-Mena talked about culture being like an iceberg, I think they all touch on what she referred to as the “tip” of the iceberg as well as the part that is immersed that we can’t see. The conversations that I had with each of these individuals were eye opening and so meaningful. I really enjoyed this assignment!!

(6165-Communication) Nonverbal Communication

For this assignment I chose to watch, “The Millers” as this is a television show that I am not familiar with. It was quite challenging to get a grasp of the characters and their relationships not having any previous background knowledge as well as not having the ability to hear what they were talking about and only relying on what I could see. The show began with two people entering what I assumed to be an open house. I was not sure of the relationship of the two people, but based on the picture, I assumed it was a mother and son. The agent walked over to them and said something that made them both laugh. This gave me the information that something was funny, but I did not know the context of what she said that made it funny. After the mother and son left the open house, they went to a different house with other characters who I assumed were other family members. I assumed they were family as there was what looked like a mother, father, son, daughter, and granddaughter. There were a lot of things that were going on that I could not keep up with, but I knew from their body language and facial expressions that they were happy, at times confused as eye brows were raised, and something bad must have happened as arms were crossed. In the next scene, the mother and son were sitting in someone’s office. I could not tell you who the character was, but it must have been someone of authority as he was sitting at a desk. During this time there was laughter and the son seemed to feel a bit uncomfortable as his body language was indicating this. The next day, the son went back to office, but this time he was acting flirtatious and the man at the desk seemed surprised and awkward with how this person was acting. The man at the desk walked over to him and they began to talk and they looked at each other with mischievous eyes making it seem like they were scheming something.  The next day, you could tell that they were getting ready to play out their scheme and you could tell by their nonverbal communication that it was not going well.

After watching this episode again, but this time with the volume on, I was able to get a better understanding of the different relationships between the different characters as you could hear the words such as; mother, father, sister, friend, director of senior's living, and boyfriend. The volume enabled me to get the context of why there was laughter, awkwardness, embarrassment, anger, and frustration between the characters. Having the ability to hear them talk let me know that the son and the man at desk did in fact have a plan, but now I knew what the plan was about and how it was going to play out. There were times when I was watching without the volume that it looked like two of the characters where yelling at each other, but once I was able to hear what transpired, they were actually excited about something. The show is a lot funnier with the volume on!!! J

If I was watching a show that I was very familiar with such as Modern Family it would have been much easier to make better assumptions as I would have background information on all the characters and their relationships. I don’t think that it would still be easy to know exactly the context of their conversations if I could not hear the dialogue between the characters, but I would have a better understanding as I am more familiar with the characters and their personalities.

This assignment reinforced within me how important our listening skills are so we can ensure that we are getting the correct information and messages. Although some of the assumptions that I made were correct, it is probably not best practice to only rely on nonverbal communication. We need to use all other forms of communication to help us decipher what is being communicated more effectively. Nonverbal communication such as body language may give me some information, but we should not rely solely on it as it does not give the whole picture of what someone may be communicating. If we only rely on nonverbal communication then miscommunication could arise which could then result in mixed messages or conflict. 

(EDUC 6164 - Diversity & Equity) My Family Culture

If I lived through an experience such as a major catastrophe that has almost completely devastated the infrastructure of my country it would be shattering. Knowing that me and my immediate family were among the survivors and that we would be evacuating our country knowing that we would be transported to another country where their culture is completely different from our own would be something that words could not express. Being told that we could only take three small items that we hold dear to us that best represents our family culture would be a challenging and daunting task. My immediate family includes my husband, son, and daughter and I think that I would include them with choosing an item that is meaningful and that best represents our family culture. Together, my husband and I would choose a small photo album, my daughter said she would bring her stuffy, and my son would bring a small container of Lego.

My husband and I together would choose a small photo album that would include pictures that captured special moments that best portrayed our life together. It would include a photo from our childhood, a wedding photo and pictures of our children and other family members and the things we have done together throughout the years. The pictures in this small photo album would not let us forget who we are, where we came, and what best represents our family culture. My son is extremely creative and we have always supported his creativity especially when it comes to building Lego. He just turned 13 and he wants to be a Lego designer when he grows up, so he said he would bring Lego so he would not forget how about much he loves to build things. My daughter had a harder time as she has so many skills and talents ranging from gymnastics, knitting, sculpting, but looking beyond that,  she said that she would bring her stuffy named, “Buddy” who she got when she was a baby. This stuffy is her “go to” when she is happy or sad.

Once we arrived at our host country we were told that we could only keep one item and that we had to give up the other two items that we brought with us. I know this would be challenging, but I think as a family we would have to think objectively about what we should keep. As much as we would love to keep the Lego and “Buddy” these would be the two items that we would choose to leave behind. The photo album has memories about our family culture that will ensure that we won’t forget our family culture. As my children get older I would be afraid that they may forget their culture and not remember what made our family culture so special. The photos would help to keep the memories alive. I know my children would be saddened that they would have to leave what they brought behind, but they would understand the importance remembering who we are.

This exercise made me realize how important my family culture is and how crucial it is to have something that I hold close to my heart that best represents my family that no one could take away from me. I think I will now take more time to look at the little things that surround me and have a better understanding how they help to foster my family diversity. 

(EDUC-6165 Communication) Competent Communication

Someone who demonstrates competent communication……….

I really wanted to choose a family member, but when my family is together, everyone talks at the same time, everyone interrupts one another, and as much as I love my mother, she is trying to listen to multiple conversations at one time. You get the feeling that you might have been heard, but did anyone really listen? So, I had to look beyond my family to find a person who demonstrates competent communication. Just wondering, are all families like that or just mine? J

When I think of someone who really demonstrates competent communication the first person who came to my mind was the chair of the department that I teach in. This individual exemplifies what it means to communicate effectively. Every time I have a meeting with her she is always welcoming and greets me with a smile. She never gives me the impression that I am bothering her or that she is too busy to talk. When I am in her office, her attention and focus is all mine as she does not share herself with her phone or other distractions that may come her way. Her eye contact is always on me showing me that she is listening. The way she communicates makes me feel empowered as she values the things I say or share. She pauses before she comments back and then she smiles and says, “I hear what you are saying.” Her office is quite large and can be intimidating, like a principal’s office, but you never get that feeling when you come in talk to her. Although she is the chair of the department, when she communicates, she never talks down to you or misuses her power when she communicates. When you leave her office, she acknowledges the time that you spent with her and reminds you that you are welcome at any time.

I would definitely model some of my own communication behaviors after this person as she demonstrates the qualities that make an effective communicator. She modeled that everyone should be valued and listened to. This person demonstrated that there are many components to being an effective communicator and that even the little pieces such as a smile or head nod are just as important as eye contact and listening. I meet with my students on a daily basis, sometimes after class or at times I meet them in my office and modeling after this person would ensure that I am being an effective communicator where students feel comfortable coming to talk to me. I have a great relationship with my students, but taking a deeper look at how this person makes me feel valued, empowered, and important reinforces within me to think about all the different components even the little things that could ensure that I am being an effective communicator.