(EDUC 6165 Communication) Nonviolent Communication

Conflict is a natural process that we go through whether it is in our personal or professional lives. Everyone reacts differently to it, as some people may display explosive reactions to conflict while others might avoid it. Conflict should be seen as a win-win situation in which everyone agrees to work it out with a willingness to listen, generate ideas, discuss solutions, and communicate. Having strategies and techniques put in place to help resolve conflict in a peaceful manner may help to think about conflict in a positive light.

With that said, I have been in conflicts where willingness to listen, generate ideas, and discuss solutions have been nonexistent…. here is one example. As I have shared before, my son has a learning disability and we have many IPRC meetings at his school where we discuss his strengths, challenges, successes, and goals. At the end of the school year I was at the school in a meeting with my son’s teachers, therapists, and school psychologist. We were discussing my son and the topic came up about how anxious he has been feeling amongst many other things on the agenda. I am usually very professional in these meetings and I keep quite a calm and try to keep my emotions in tact…although I do tend to need a Kleenex or two at these meetings as it is hard to discuss my son’s challenges. On this particular day I must have been feeling extra emotional and I couldn’t keep my emotions undercover and I began to cry a little more than I normally do. This psychologist who I had never met before said something very condescending to me about me being teary which resulted in me reacting in a way that I should not have. My emotions got the best of me and I became very reactive. Everyone else at the table who knows me quite well just sat there in silence as I said the, “How dare you” to this psychologist. It got quite uncomfortable, but I felt judged and I couldn’t control my emotions. When the meeting was over and after the psychologist left, the teachers came up to me and said that they couldn’t believe what she had said to me. I expressed that I was upset at how I handled the situation and that I should have remained professional, but my emotions got the best of me

This week we had the opportunity to learn about nonviolent communication from The Center for Nonviolent Communicationas well as the 3 R’s; respectful, reciprocal, and responsive from Magda Gerber. Strategies that I could have used based on the NVC and the 3R’s that would have made this conflict between myself and the psychologist more productive would be;

1. Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment (NVC, n.d.).

2. Requesting what I would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what I do want rather than what I don’t want (NVC, n.d.). 

3. Keep calm when we respond to conflict, so we do not let our emotions take over. 

Even though what this person said made me feel upset, I should have remained calm. She was not respecting my feelings, but staying calm would have been more effective so I could have communicated my feelings more effectively.

Conflict is part of life and it can occur at any time of the day, but it is how we think of conflict that can cause it to be negative or positive. We need to learn how to communicate effectively, so having strategies that will give us the skills to have nonviolent communication is the step towards being able to solve conflict in a calm and passive manner.

Reference

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org./