Gender, Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation

How many times have you heard a child say, “That’s so gay!” Do they know what they are saying, the meaning behind it, or how harmful it can be for the person receiving the message? Maybe some children do, but there are many children who are saying what has been modeled to them. It is important to sit with children whether individually or as a group when we hear them using inappropriate language such as, “You are so gay” or “Fag” or “What are you a sissy?” and talk about how these words, statements, and comments are harmful to the person receiving these remarks. It is also important to create an open forum for children to discuss the meaning of the word, “gay” as many children say the word, but don’t really have the understanding of it context.

I remember quite a few years ago when I was doing my practice teaching in a school age program there were a couple of children who were giving me a hard time. I remember it was time to go inside and little girl who was in grade one took my hand as we walked. One child who had been challenging me bumped my arm and said, “Gay!” I was shocked by his comment, not because of the word, but the shock was more related to the negative way he was using it. My on-site supervisor of my placement heard the comment and when we were all inside, he held what he called a community meeting where we discussed the situation and the word gay. This educator handled this situation beautifully. He didn't sweep this child's comment under the carpet and let it go, rather he used it as a learning opportunity for all the children!

Where does this homophobia and heterosexism come from? Both homophobia and heterosexism can be learned as children can take on the values of their parents. I remember hearing a child at the park tell another child that he could not play with him because his dads were gay and that if he played with him that he would catch the “gay” disease and become gay. I heard the child tell hem that it was not true, but the child responded, “My dad said that being gay is wrong and that I can’t play with you.” Children learn early on that to for a family to be created there needs to be a mom and a dad. When they think about love, they think that there has to be a girl and a boy. Looking beyond the values and beliefs that are passed on to our children, take a moment to think about the array of Disney movies and books. Think about the “Happily Ever After” which usually includes a princess marrying a prince. This message gives children the notion that in order to get their happily ever after, that they have to marry their prince!

Our programs are flowered with diversity and part of the diversity that we see is an array of family structure.  Diverse families need to be represented throughout our early learning programs through books, puzzles, pictures, and posters. The video, "Start Seeing Diversity: Sexual Orientation” explained that we also need to talk to children about the ways families are similar to and different from one another (Laureate Education, Inc., n.d.).  This video made me realize that it is still important to acknowledge families with gay and lesbian parents even though our environments may not include gay or lesbian families. Providing children with this information anyway will better prepare them to be respectful when they do meet a family with gay or lesbian parents (Laureate Education, Inc., n.d.).  Many people may argue the fact that including materials such as books and pictures depicting same-sex families is wrong; however, if we want to provide environments where all children and families feel included and have a sense of belonging, then their families should be represented in our programs. Educators who have different beliefs need to try and help children develop a positive self identity, regardless of their own beliefs (Laureate Education, Inc., n.d.).  Children need to feel that they are not alone and providing materials in our environments that better represents all families will make them feel included not excluded where they feel different and where they don't belong.

Reference
Laureate Education, Inc., n.d. Start Seeing Diversity: Sexual Orientation. Retrieved from https://class.waldenu.edu