Why do we “Shh” children when
they ask us questions or make a statement when they see a person who looks
different than they do? Children use their observations to learn about others.
They ask us questions or make statements because
they are curious not rude. Think of the message
that we give children the we stop them from asking questions or shh their
curiosity!
I have experienced many times where I have witnessed
an adult silence a child after they pointed out someone who looked
different. One example in particular occurred
when a child I worked with noticed one of the educator’s body type/size. The
educators and children were having lunch in the lunchroom and a child who was sitting at my lunch table looked over at the other table that was beside ours and she looked at the educator as said, "Sandy, your bum is too big for that chair. You are fat like Santa. Why is your bum so big?" Well, what do you think went through the minds of all the educators that were in the lunchroom? This comment made us very uncomfortable, uneasy, awkward, and feel other range of emotions about what this child had just expressed. The child did not say this to mean; she said this because she made an observation about how this educator was different. I did not shh this child, but my reaction was not any better as I sat there in silence for a few moments. Two other educators told her that what she said wasn't very nice and that she hurt Sandy'a feelings.
What did our messages communicate to this child? My silence and the other educators' comments gave this child the message that what she said was wrong, when in fact she did not have a malicious intent. According to Derman-Sparks & Olsen Edwards (2012) we did not use this opportunity to help this child have a better understanding of differences. Children pick up on cues and can formulate conclusions about issues that adults do not talk about such as; body type/size and can feel emotional tensions from adults (Derman-Sparks & Olsen Edwards 2012). Our reaction may have given this child the message that we shouldn't make comments or ask questions when we see the differences that surround us.
What I found interesting about this situation was that Sandy was the person who not only responded appropriately, but she handled the situation beautifully. She responded instantly and explained to this child about how everyone is unique, special, and different. Sandy said to her that everyone is made differently and she talked about different heights, color of eyes, skin, hair, shapes of noses, etc. She asked this child, "How weird would it be if we all looked the same?" It was great that Sandy did not pretend not hear what this child said. This was a learning opportunity for the rest of us as we understood the importance of talking about our differences and how lucky we are to be surrounded by diversity. She also taught us to answer children immediately and honestly so they don't feel tension or uneasiness when they ask questions regarding diversity. How Sandy handled this situation is a great example of how an anti-bias educator might have responded to support this child's understanding.
Reference Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (201). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.
Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI love the artwork. Children are curious about the world they live in just as we are; if adults just take the time and listen we can learn a lot from children. Children are so innocent they don’t ask questions to be mean as many adults do, children ask questions because they want to find that answer to the why question; instead of “Shhing” children we need to be honest and tell them the truth, of course we need to give them an answer that is age-appropriate so they can understand. Most of the time when children ask questions the answer is so simple but we as adults make a big deal out of the curious questions like why is that woman fat or how come Johnny has two moms; like you said we need to keep calm and answer the question. After all how would we feel if someone “Shh” us when we asked a question; we need to put ourselves in children’s shoes and help them to understand.
I enjoyed reading your post because I have a very large bottom being African American and as many of us say big boned, so the way Sandy handled the situation was perfect. Seems like everyone learned from this incident
ReplyDeleteGreat post Stephanie,it is sometimes difficult for adults to explain to children that it is okay to ask questions. Sometimes for adults we would rather ignore the comments that children make.It is important to acknowledge what children say and ask.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! It is not always simple explaining an answer to a child, or even telling them it is okay to ask questions Children are curious and they want to understand the world around them, and they do this by asking questions. We must be prepared to answer these questions no matter how awkward they be.
ReplyDeleteHello, i liked reading your story. Sometimes, when we are in shock, we do not handle such situations very well. But as we sit and think about it we are able to figure out what we can better say to make the situation more educational and reasonable. It is important that we explain to children what the right thing or wrong thing is.
ReplyDelete